Live Your Life To The Fullest

I feel: cranky
I hear: EFY 2004 cd

ok so homecoming is like...what...21 days away and....omg i really really really really REALLY want to go with a date this year....i mean....i'm 16 i'm actually ALLOWED to go with a date this year and so i kinda wanted this year to be like special and different and stuff...plus i see all these other girls...including all these freshmen girls...getting asked in incredibly sweet ways and i'm like AAHHH why not me?!? i mean...my group is awesome and it'll be fun with or without a date but...i dunno...i just kinda wanted some guy to ask me and then i'd feel all special and stuff...but oh well. i have to be PATIENT with guys. cuz me and natalie definitely figured out at youth conference and girls camp this year that that was our weakness when it came to guys--and for me...thats my weakness with life. so i think i have to learn to be patient...and then when my time comes (whenever the heck that is!!!) i'll meet a great guy. but patience is sooo hard!! especially since i've met a great guy....i just don't think he's into me. but oh well...k i'm done venting about my datelessness for homecoming!! lol...i think thats all i have to say for now in here..i just had to vent in here for a second...lol...have a great day! love you :)

I feel: mellow
I hear: Win a Date with Tad Hamilton soundtrack

so today was an okay day....not GREAT but not too bad either--it had its ups and downs...the biggest down being that i have girl issues at this time of the month lol but i won't go into those details...haha. aaannddd the biggest up was that deniz is gonna hook me up with a homecoming date! a particular someone that i want to go with so....if that ends up working out then that will be FABULOUS! i really can't wait till homecoming...i mean, i know we have like TONS of work for sga to do before then but...its gonna be fun this year cuz me, kara, alex, and nicole and maybe if she decides to go deniz are all going to go in a group!!! and i love all those gals so that would be totally AWESOME and plus my dress is....aaahhh its my princess dress!! its so pretty i can't wait to get all dressed up and pretty and *squeal*!!!! and if the date thing works out....then thats even better!!!! but if doesn't...i'll deal, i'm cool with that tooo! aaahh i just can't wait. oh man this morning i forgot my running shoes for practice! so i had an nhs meeting after school so i didn't think i could go home quickly enough to get them and then make it back by 2:45 for practice but...i went to see mensh and so i met the team at where they were stretching but oh man...i was like hurling at like...25 over the speed limit on the parkway...i was so afraid of getting a ticket...but yeah! i made it....however i was sad that i made it because practice was SO FLIPPIN HARD today...i was dying...hill intervals---meaning one 800 meter up a bunch of hills, then five 400 meter repeats up super big hills....IT WAS HORRIBLE. i found out i'm definitely solid JV for cross country---which i'm definitely happy about because mensh is getting really intense about practices and being serious and...its kinda getting not so fun anymore...cuz he's really focused on winning districts this year cuz its our last year in our district and...i think hes frustrated that we aren't exactly measuring up to that...so he's being anal about EVERYTHING. its kinda annoying but...whatever! anywho i'm gonna go do my homework so that i can get to bed at a decent time cuz i am super super tired!!! love you all!!!

this song is my favorite song in the whole world right now...probably cuz i can relate to it so much--its from win a date with tad hamilton....

I sit alone, a dark theater,
Watching the people arrive hand in hand, everybody but me.
Oh...
I stay behind, watching the credits roll by.
Roll, roll, roll right by me.

Well I know, I won't cry cause there is somebody, somebody,
Somebody waiting for me out in the rain.
I won't cry, not tonight,
Cause there is somebody waiting for me.
Ohhhhh yeahhh.

I take a walk,
The streets are busy tonight,
And I'm searching for you ,
Waiting to brush your shoulder.
When I'm alone,
I watch the faces roll by. Roll, roll, roll right by me.

Well I know, I won't cry cause there is somebody, somebody,
Somebody waiting for me, out in the rain.
I won't cry, not tonight,
Cause there is somebody waiting for me.

How many words will go unspoken?
Ohh.
'Til I hear knocking on my door?
I need some talking the nights I spent heartbroken.
But tonight I know,
I won't cry no more.
Ohhhh.

I lie awake.
I left the porch light on.
I hope it helps you to find your way.

Outside
I hear the thunder roll by. Roll, roll, roll right by me.

I know, I won't cry cause there is somebody, somebody,
Somebody waiting for me, out in the rain.
Not gonna cry tonight
No
Cause there is somebody waiting for me.
Not gonna cry tonight
No no no no no no no
Oh yeah
Oh ohhhh, not gonna cry,
Not tonight
Cause there is somebody waiting for me.
I stay behind watching the credits roll by.
Roll, roll, roll right by me.

I feel: good
I hear: Kelly Clarkson "breakaway

so this weekend was sooooooo much fun!!! i didn't do anything majorly big but...it was still really fun...ok so here's what went down:

FRIDAY NIGHT: kara, alex, and nicole came over to my house and we hung out!! it was a very fun KAJN event!! lol...i haven't laughed that much in a really long time...it felt nice. nicole brought over yo, robot (LOL...too bad we didn't get to watch it...now i really wanna see it though!! hahaha...people walking in front of the movie...lol) and we played hidden talents!!! thats like a 12 year old girl sleepover game but...it was so fun cuz we just told jokes and were crazy and they make me laugh! i'm really glad they're my friends--they make my life like...fifty times more fun and easier!! :)

SATURDAY: slept in till noon!! that was great!! i haven't done that in a while...it felt so nice...and then i bummed around till 3:30 when i went to my meet!! that was fun...brentsville relays...i did okay--i'm not doing as great this season as i had hoped but...oh well i'm improving slowly! but the fun part was just the hanging out part of it-thats always the best part of cross country meets, not the running, the hanging out with the cool teammates part! ooo and my little sister ran in the middle school race which was soooo tight!! she did so well!! got a medal and beat most of the girls in her race--i was so proud! i was like running crazily alongside her cheering her on and telling her when to pass someone or to sprint...i musta looked insane but...ehh oh welll...i was just a proud big sister :) hehe and me and chanel had fun talking and stuff! and me karin and chanel played ten fingers on the way home...haha...we figured out that it wasn't too fun cuz we were all so innocent!! lol...but thats not a bad thing...its good!!! so yeah that was fun...didn't get home till like midnight though...i was sooo exhausted...still am....

well thats pretty much the extent of my weekend...it wasn't too exciting but...more exciting than my weekends usually are so i thought i'd share!! welll i better scitterscatter off to my homework!! have a great week everybody love you!

I feel: frustrated
I hear: Jewel "This Way" cd--particularly one song!

ok so i have officially decided that boys suck! and so i decided this what...soon after my sixteenth birthday and so i was gonna have my little boys strike and no dating(even though...theres no prospects anyways...) strike and NO CRUSHES strike thing...but once i got back to school and saw someone who i totally fell for last year...well, lets just say my no crushes thing went down the tubes. this guy is great...but don't worry i won't gush about him here...but hes a good guy...unlike some other guys i've dated...and he's sooo cute too(lol...sorry thats gushing haha)...and so everytime i get it in my head that i'm not gonna like him anymore...then i fall for him all over again...and i can't stop thinking about him EVER-all my thoughts relate to him. and thats what i hate about crushes--they dominate your thoughts, all you wanna do is talk about them and all you wanna do is be with them.  and lets just say my hope is kinda low because well...guy wise...i don't have the best history with them...and so it seems like nothing good in that area could ever happen...even though i'm grateful for the bad because it taught me a lot...but i just want something to work out. and i'm sick of being patient...i'm trying so hard to be patient and wait because maybe sooner or later something will work itself out for me.  i just hate it when you wanna always be around someone so bad but you can't cuz you don't know how they feel about you and....arrgghh its just frustrating and I HATE IT.

so sorry for not updating in a very long while....i got really busy with schoolwork and stuff...which i should be doing right now but...i'm not so oh well...cross country is fun-really hard and a lot of the time i'm in lots of pain but...i'm surviving....i'm not on varsity but...i'll live-JV's less stressful anyways! school is hard....madrigals(chorus) is so fun--i discovered how much i love singing again! i get to sing the national anthem at every home football game and it is so exciting! SGA is SO MUCH FUN i love it sooo much...all those people are so awesome in that class and i'm so excited that i get to work with them!

OMG I LOVE DRIVING! it is like the best thing to ever happen to me...that car is like...aaahhh i dunno...i'm just glad that i can drive finally and just...go places and i dunno...the feeling is incredible though...i just can't describe it.

SONG OF THE DAY:

I feel: lazy
I hear: "Candle on the Water" from Pete's Dragon

so i made it through the first two weeks of cross country! whooo! i'm not great...considering our girls team is INCREDIBLE this year...it seems they're all faster than me...all the freshmen girls are soo fast! they're like....AMAZING! we're totally gonna suprise everybody and win the liberty district championship that we have been waiting for...the first one for our school EVER!!! whooo!!! and no stress fractures for me! although...i do have some pain in the arch of my left foot....which is really weird because it doesn't hurt right now...but it hurts like anything while i'm running...like every step sends a shock up my entire leg....i don't know whats wrong with it! ah well...hopefully it'll go away cuz being injured kinda sux!!

so the whole babysitting thingy with the kid....eh...nothing to worry about....he's just a typical four year old...plus his parents like me so it doesn't really matter if he does or not because they get to choose and he doesn't!! lol...anyways....yeah so i'm making big bucks babysitting!!!!! whooo

omg....school starts in ONE WEEK! holy crap....i don't know if i can get all my work done before that....lets see....we got....french email to write to someone(thats quite late! aaahh) french article to read and write summary of...book to read paper to write about this book....a zillion chem problems to do...a billion HOA questions to answer...three songs to memorize for mads...i think thats it! omg...THAT IS SO MUCH WORK! i don't know if i can do it...i shoulda staggered it more....aaahhhh what am i going to do? wait....what am i doing right now??? i should be working....AH! but i get distracted so easily.....aaahhhh i hate school work so much!!!!! but i am looking forward to the part of school where i get to see people who i haven't seen all summer! the social part...not the school work...oh and SGA stuff! i get to help with the chili cookoff!! and lauren is the chair for our committee so i get to work with her like...all the time! and alex and nicole are in my committee too! its gonna be...TIGHT!!!!!! so fun!!! but just the school work is gonna suck tres mucho!!

ONE WEEK TILL FREEDOM!!! then i get to drive BY MYSELF!!! whoooooo!!! yay!!! cruising in my little nissan sentra...hiphip hurray!!!! omg i can't WAIT!

well i'm out for now...gotta go attempt to start some school work...have a great day! love you! bye :)

I feel: sucky
I hear: Dashboard

so i went babysitting for the people across the street tonight like i do all the time cuz i'm like their regular babysitter right...they have an 18 month old boy and a four year old boy...and i really like it...the kids are really good and they're fun to be around-they're kinda like my younger siblings sorta...which is why i think what happened tonight bothered me so much. so i was doing what i usually do..playing with them before they had to go to bed...and then all the sudden the four year old (aiden) tells me how he really doesn't like me and he doesn't want me to babysit him anymore...like he wanted me to go home right then and there. and i thought okay...well maybe he was just saying that i mean little kids can be kinda mean sometimes but then when i was tucking him into bed he said it again and this time he's like "tell your mom that i really don't like you and i don't want you to babysit me anymore". i was like wow..geez..thats kinda harsh i mean..i dunno i'm trying my best...and it kinda hurt a little bit. i mean i'm babysitting on a saturday night...i babysit usually every weekend night because...i mean lets face it...theres nothing else really for me to do except stay home. and i always thought when i went babysitting that even if nobody else really wanted to hang out with me (which isn't true, i know, people just have their own other lives...) that these kids really liked me and i could escape through them kinda...but now they don't even like me...sheez. i dunno what i did wrong. and what if kids really don't like me i mean i like hanging out with them but what if i just am imagining myself being good with them? and what if when i grow up and have kids they don't even like me? i dunno...i'm just feeling kinda low tonight...like i'm not good enough sort of thing...and i try not to feel like that anymore cuz i'm trying to be more positive about stuff but...it just hurt...a lot. oh well...

on the flip side...i passed my driving test so now just two weeks till i can actually drive by myself! woo! exciting...

umm...if you are kinda confused by the above paragraph...don't worry about it...i'm not looking for pity or anything...just letting off some steam! i love you all! :)

I feel: exhausted
I hear: Ashlee Simpson

so today was the first day of this season of cross country! wooo! and i was sooo nervous last night...lol...i was like pacing in my room, my stomach all in knots...in tears because i was soo mad at myself for not being as ready as i should have! i mean, i ran this summer...i just didn't run as much as i should have if i wanted to measure up to my potential in running! but it wasn't so bad! i did okay! yay! i felt bad and horrible and practically died but...thats what happens in cross country all the time-the more you kill yourself during a run...the better you feel afterwards! so...i think i can make it! and i was at the same pace as some other people so that was good...so overall, it was bad...but i expected worse and it only goes up from here! yay!

SHOUT OUTS TO...

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY SARAH(WELL..SUNDAY..)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU MY BEST FRIEND ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOMMY TOMORROW! XOXO

i'm almost done with behind the wheel! which gets me that much closer to my license!..only THREE MORE DAYS AND I'M DONE! my instructor is INSANE and sooo WEIRD but...i'm dealing with it! so thats exciting! and i get to drive to school this year! wooo! my own car! yes!! so many things to be excited about!

i have got to start my summer homework....AAHHH! school is so close it's really starting to freak me out!!!!!!!

THE OLYMPICS ARE SO EXCITING THIS YEAR! watching all those athletes and their amazing talents...aaahh it just inspires me! and i've been watching like...all the events! i love especially watching swimming and gymnastics--our U.S. gymnastics team is like, AMAZING! they are soo close and tight with each other...its AWESOME! i really like carly patterson...she's like my age and sooo good at gymnastics! when i watch them like flip and flip and FLIP...aaaahh! they're like every kid's dream...every kid at one time or another dreams of the Olympics and these people actually carried out their dream! that is soo just...totally awesome! anyways, yeah...watch it guys...its worth your while!

thats all for me today..i was just really bored so i decided to update! have an awesome day! i love you all!

I feel: okay
I hear: Abba "Mamma Mia"

ok so my journal became RETARDED about that last entry--at first it wouldn't show that it had been posted..so i posted the same thing like....FIVE times and THEN when i went back the next day to see if showed it then there were like five entries of the same thing...so i went back to delete the extra ones except one stupid one would not delete...grrr...so excuse the two same entries from my last post....they are the result of stupid computers!

ok so these past couple days have been pretty blah. i had behind the wheel! that was the only exciting thing! its going pretty well...i think so at least. my instructer(who is the biggest nerd, i swear...) on the first day had to ask me to slow down a little bit but i corrected that yesterday by going the speed limit all the way home from oakton h.s. yesterday! and...drumrolll please...i PARALLEL PARKED! woo hoo! i dunno if i'll be able to do it without those cones in the range course thingy but....the fact is i did it! so yeah...i found that to be pretty awesome and cool.  and....the instructer guy pulled his brake on both of the other people in my class but he didn't have to pull it on me! no no he did not! the boy in my class is a pretty good driver...I think he just gets nervous sometimes-but he's nice, we talk about stuff. i haven't talked to the girl very much-she doesn't really seem to want to be social...maybe i will talk to her today! but her driving....is not too great...i don't think she's driven too much before the class. but anyways...yeah! its fun to drive! i can't wait to get my license...only.......22 MORE DAYS!!! woo!!! and then i can drive freely! whee! i am very very excited! and to drive audrey our little sentra...yeah so fun! and then i won't have to wait for parents to take me everywhere anymore! YAY! ok i'm done...lol......

haha...we pulled the poo stories out on jessica's boyfriend last night....haha it was so funny! she was so embarrassed...but hey! its a fact of life...they gotta know about that stuff sooner or later thats my philosophy! well i gotta go do stuff and stuff...have a great day! love you lots :)

I feel: pensive
I hear: "you lift me up"

This is an absolutely amazing story...(I know that I post a lot of religious stories...but...i am religious so...oh well! If you’re not into it....then just don’t read it...)...it really makes you think about life and keeping your priorities straight. I know after I read it, I felt horrible for all those many times that I turned on the t.v. or did some other stupid unimportant thing when I could have gotten down on my knees and talked to the only on who completely understands and loves me more than anyone else has the capacity to.  So...just read it and think about it for a second...

As you got up this morning, I watched you, and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday. But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to wear.

When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were to busy. At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip instead. I watched patiently all day long. With all our activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.

I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me,that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't. That's okay. There is still more time left, and I hope that you will talk to me yet.

You went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the TV. I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spend a lot of time each day in front of it not thinking about anything, just enjoying the show. I waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal, but again you didn't talk to me.

Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time.. That's okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you.. I've got patience, more than you will ever know... I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well.

I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer or thought, or a thankful part of your heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.

Well, you are getting up once again. Once again I will wait, with nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time. Have a nice day!

Your friend,

GOD

I feel: artistic
I hear: Jessica's mix cds!

so yeah....i decided to give my journal a MAKEOVER...it needed it...i was getting bored...and so i changed it! it looks sooo sunny and happy now! kinda brightens up your day doesn't it? lol..i know it does mine!! lol..omg i am soo bored! no one is home! aaahhh i think i'm going crazy!! yes yes...i need a LIFE! so behind the wheel starts tomorrow and i'm really NERVOUS! cuz i dunno if i'm a bad driver or not..i don't think i am but...who knows what my teacher will think!!! so anyways i also have a summer sing thing for chorus so i get to see people from school! that...doesn't really make me too excited but...i get to go be a chorus nerd! yipee!! lol well i'm supposed to be totaling up my hours right now but...i don't really feel like it soooo...i'm not doing it! i think its really stupid how you have to account for all the minutes you drove...really really dumb...everybody fudges it anyways! but my mom is madame honesty so i have to be honest! grrr...oh well! so yeah...i think i'm gonna go watch television or something cuz i don't really have anything to type...oh wait my nice thing i did today!! okay so i went to the pool in rebecca's one piece today and there was another girl with the EXACT same swimsuit! i know, nightmare material right? (actually...no...i didn't really care...but....) so she kept looking over at me and giving me dirty looks! i was like...awww...poor girl and poor me...but then she's like "hey where'd you got ur swimsuit?" i was like "uh...i dunno its my sister's" and i pointed over to rebecca so she asked rebecca and rebecca told her and then she was like "okay" and i was like "i like it...thats why i wear it!hehe..but you look really great in it!!" (she didn't look that great...i was just being nice!!) so i complimented her!!! and all those dirty looks...they weren't worth it...so you're probably wondering what the purpose of this story is but...i learned that when you're nice...everything else just kinda falls into place! so you should always be nice even if you don't feel like it! alright i'm out...have a great day everyone! i love you!

I feel: grateful and nervous...
I hear: "hero" song from bandits and shrek!

Ok so theres like what...isn’t it like 3 or 4 more weeks till school starts?!?? That’s INSANE!!!!!! I feel like I haven’t even had a break...and I definitely don’t wanna go back YET...my summer has been sooo fricken awesome! I’ve had so much fun relaxing and meeting new totally amazing people but also strengthening the bonds with my old amazing friends!! Its been soo great...and the school year is gonna be sooooooooooooooooo stressful cuz...face it...i was barely surviving with pre-IB...all IB except for math (I’m taking trig...i had a little schedule conflict!! Yay J) I’m going to DIE...like seriously...junior year is supposed to be the hardest and...i thought freshman and sophomore year were pretty hard!!!!!! Aaahhhh....just kill me now why don’t they?? Goodness gracious...!!! well anyways...back to positive stuff...Heres the breakdown of my summer thus far:

So youth conference TOTALLY did not turn out as I had expected...in fact....it kinda sucked! (well not completely...some of the classes were totally awesome and good and everything...i think it was just the boy part that sucked...) Yeah there were some cute guys there...just I didn’t really actually MEET any of them...i’m not the most outgoing person so...yeah...no dates for me! Oh well!! But...i did meet the COOLEST girl in the world...(I didn’t actually get to room with susan...so I ended up rooming with this girl that I knew a little bit...but not much...) Natalie!! She is soo much fun...we had the BEST time together...i pretty much hung with her ward because people from my ward seemed to already have friends and stuff! So that part was pretty awesome...we both decided that we need to be PATIENT with boys...which is hard because I’m very very impatient but...i’m trying my best!! Lol

GIRLS CAMP WAS SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!! I absolutely loooooveeedd being a youth leader!! Omg....i can’t even describe how totally awesome and fun it was!! All I know is that it confirmed my want to be a elementary school teacher...its just a totally awesome feeling when you feel like you’ve actually maybe made a difference in some kids’ lives! Like...i can’t even explain it! But it was soo awesome and all the youth leaders from our area were like, close INSTANTLY! It was soo great...we still hang out and talk and everything...and those girls are all just soo fun...*squeal*! I just can’t describe it...it was just sooooooooo great!!!!! If any of my girls from girls camp or the youth leaders are reading this...I LOVE YOU LADIES SOOOOOOO MUCH!! STAY STRONG AND HOLD ON TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE! J

So like, the week after girls camp we were supposed to go to ocean city, MD to one girl, kathryn’s beach house up there but...it just unfortunately...did not work out! Kinda sucked but...oh well!!!

So then...i went to the outer banks in north Carolina with my family!! and that was.......... sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun...i love the beach soooooooo much!! I totally wanna buy a summer house there when I’m older...who knows if I’ll have the money....but yeah...totally something I would LOVE to do. So I got to see some of my cousins that I like, rarely see...like ever! And they are all just soo much fun! So Saturday when we got there everybody was really tired so we didn’t really hang out with anybody very much....just kinda went to bed! And then Sunday we went to the beach!! And boogie boarding and it was fun! But...there was a really strong current so fighting that was kinda hard but...yeah....so that night my sisters came!! (Jessica was in belgium for a language emersion type thing...and so Emily was gonna drive her down cuz Jessica was super tired) and so I saw my sissie!! Yay!! That was fun...so then Monday we went to the beach...and I played with my cousin’s little sons and daughters...omg..they are sooo cute!! I loved holding them and jumping waves with them...aaahhh!! I love little kids!! Then Tuesday was HURRICANE ALEX! *scary movie sounds...* and so it rained all day that day...so we went shopping!! And I got shorts with outer banks on the butt and a sweatshirt that says outer banks! (outerbanks paraphenilia..yay!) and I think it was that night..i’m not sure if it was that night or Monday night....we went to see “the village” which was a really good movie...i liked it...some of my cousins HATED it but..i liked it! Oh well for them I say! Wednesday and Thursday we played in the ocean! And that was fun! Went crabbing wed. night...i stayed away from those ghost crabs...they are vicious!! Kinda freaky...but...yeah..then Friday it was WINDY..so the stupid red flags were up....(curse them!!!!) so we didn’t get to go in the ocean that day...but that night the wind stopped and we played capture the flag!! That was fun! And then Saturday morning before we left we went boogie boarding at 6 a.m.!! it was soo cold...and the waves sucked...but the water was sooo warm! Haha...me and Natalie didn’t want to get out! And so that ends my beach trip...kinda rambled, sorry bout that...oh well!!

So that kinda ends my summer....i can’t describe quite exactly how much fun it was in words...but it was just AWESOME! I can’t wait till next summer!! Lol....something to look forward to during these loooong school days...omg behind the wheel starts for me on Wednesday!! I’m soo nervous but....if I make it through this...i might get a car for next year!! *crosses fingers* so that would be tight...like unto a dish! Lol...well I’m out...have a great day everyone! I love you all!!

I feel: content
I hear: Freaky Friday Soundtrack! i just got it!

so i don't usually do these thingys...and plus i'm supposed to be on my season finale...but eh...its a new season! lol...i'll write about life later...i just wanted to do this survey thingy! its a fun one too!

1. Who is the HOTTEST person in the world? umm....i dunno...orlando bloom and chad michael murray are way up there though!(oh and ryan gosling too! SO cute in the notebook!)... oh and you...whoever you are reading this..i think you're pretty hot too...

17. How many houses have you lived in? ONE! i love my house!

24. Have you ever wanted to be the opposite gender?  sometimes because guys don't have to deal with the same crappy emotion or physical things that girls have...but overall i'm pretty content to be a girl! its fun...

25. Do you like playing in the leaves? YES LOVE IT

I feel: excited
I hear: Hercules Hercules!! hehe... :)

so...today i went to see dodgeball with alex and kara...it was supposed to be a KAJN (as in kara alex julie nicole) event but...nicole couldn't come so it was just KAJ....we were incomplete... :( but yeah...so after the movie...which was incredibly random and weird by the way....we were waiting around for...someone's mom to come pick us up...so we went and tried on prom dresses and took pictures cuz i needed to use up my film from efy! and half those dresses in those stores are totally NOT something i would ever wear because its against my standards but...I FOUND ONE!! and its pretty modest...well not 100% but...well actually its a lot more modest than anything my sisters have worn...its long and puffy and light pink...and PERFECT!! and so i like, begged my mom to go back to the mall to get it with me and she did! and now its MINE!! thats right...haha...i got my homecoming dress TWO MONTHS EARLY! lol...i am way excited because it is wayyy pretty!! *squeal!* lol...but anyways...that is my exciting news!!!

so i think this is the season finale for my journal for a while...(sorry alex...i stole your idea! lol) cuz i'm going to youth conference tomorrow...which by the way i SHOULD be packing for...eh....oh well!! and then i get back on saturday and then on monday i leave for girls camp!! woo!! and then i get back on friday and then i have like a week before the BEACH!!! with my CREGO SIDE OF THE FAMILY!! i am soooooooo excited for that!! its gonna be TIGHT...like unto a dish!! hehe....anyways...i hope all these camps go well...esp youth conference..i'm kinda nervous...i really hope i get to room with susan and i hope that i meet some cool guys...cuz i've been sixteen for over and month and how many dates have i been on? ONE i tell you just ONE...aaaahhh...that is ridiculous..but anyways...OH WELL...i guess as they say..my time will come....eh..i wish it would come sooner than later but oh well!! so heres a song from hercules that I LOVE...and i'm out to pack...love you all lots!!

Meg:
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!
Muses:
Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of
Meg:
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
Muses:
You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh
Meg:
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh
Muses:
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
Meg:
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
Muses:
Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love
Meg:
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
Muses:
You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love
Meg:
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
Muses:
Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love
Meg:
Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

I feel: very, very happy!!
I hear: E.F.Y. 2004 cd-Stand in the light!!

so i'm back from e.f.y.--for those of you who don't know, thats a mormon church camp--and it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome!! like i can't even describe it in words it was so awesome!! and i met the coolest people too!! i loved my group...we were called NO REPUTATION and not only did we get FIRST PLACE FOR OUR CHEER, but also FIRST PLACE FOR OUR BANNER, and the UNITY AWARD!!! and our counselors were TIGHT-i loved them....jenn was soooo great and fun and everything and chris was totally hilarious and he cracked me up! and i learned so much about my church! and i really believe in it a whole lot...but i won't go into that here! i totally did not want to leave...but unfortunately...it can't be efy all the time so....i had to go... :(  but ya....if you ask me about it...i will tell you everything but for now...theres WAY too much good stuff to write so...i can't write it all! but all i gotta say is it was probably the best week of my life to date....i had so much fun!!

so summer is way too fun for me!! except...i totally miss all my school friends who i haven't seen in like...FOREVER--alex, nicole, and kara and everybody else!! i miss you guys way too much for words!!! and for that reason...i kinda wish i was still in school...but....then again i hate the actual school part of it so...i don't miss that....but...i miss my friends! you guys are the greatest!!!

i'm going to youth conference(another mormon church thing) in like...four days!! yipeee!!! and perhaps i will get some dates outta this one cuz at efy all the guys were like four hours or more away from me but youth conference is local so..ya!! i hope so!!! well i gotta go cuz i think since it stopped raining we're gonna go see fireworks...YAY! i love you all!!

I feel: a mixture of anxious &excited!
I hear: New Dashboard Song! "Vindicated"

school's out! woot woot! i can't even believe it...i passed all my finals and everything too! straight a's except a b+ in math...i even got a 94 on my english final! i was soooo excited and pumped and...i can't even believe it... I'M A FREAKIN' JUNIOR! wow...thats intense! i can't even believe it...upper classman! aaaahhh...i'm excited...this summer is gonna be TIGHT! aaahhh....

so me, susan, and annie are going to this mormon dance thing at my church tonight! and i'm way excited...we're gonna go pick up some guys and get some phone #s! who knows...maybe i'll find someone i like! ya never know what can happen! i doubt i will...but...eh...ya never know-if its meant to happen...it will! all i want out of this dance is to get a couple dates with some nice guys...cuz generally mormon guys are pretty nice (if they're not completely weird...they're usually nice) and just have fun cuz i'm sixteen years old! and i'm gonna have fun fun fun this summer! no drama..no emotions...no CRAP...just FUN 100 %!! and hopefully i won't be a complete bum and i'll actually get my butt up and call people and hang out and stuff! so i start piano lessons up again soon..i'm kinda nervous! i dunno how much i'm gonna suck! i mean, i've played the piano even after i quit but...who knows?!? hopefully it'll be okay!!

well thats about everything new for me....not much but...maybe after tonight something WILL be new....i hope...*cross your fingers for me!* well i'm out...heres the new dashboard confessional song...listen to it! its soooo awesome! i love it! i love you all!!! :)

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of which has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current and let me slip away

[Chorus]

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

I feel: content
I hear: Disney movies...again...esp. Hunchback of notre dame!

so i survived most of my finals!! just alg. 2 tomorrow and then I AM DONE! i don't know if i passed them though...on my english oral commentary...i totally FROZE completely...it was soooo bad!! i turned bright red and was like...shaking real bad...and i forgot mostly everything i wanted to say! it was HUMILIATING...i was kinda upset about it..but now i'm just like...eh....oh well! i screwed up! i'll live...but yeah...so graduation was today and i had to go to sing for my "chorus final"...it was sooooooo long and soooooooo boring! omg...i was ready to DIE cuz there were like 400 kids in that class...holy crap...i was like counting down to the end! anyways...thats all about school!

so i watched ZENON:Z3!!! it was sooo awesome! i love the disney channel!! haha...i'm like a little kid...oh well! i love the new songs too...even though protazoa isn't played by the same guy...hes still good! and the new group in it..."cosmic blush" or whatever...is good too! hehe...i'm a loser...oh well!!

i watched the hunchback of notre dame today! omg...i love that movie! i love all disney movies actually but...ok so i have some goals for this summer of 2004...here we go:

*WATCH ALL THE OLD SCHOOL DISNEY MOVIES!! woo hoo...i know...what a goal right? lol...but i wanna watch them and see what i didn't see when i was younger..just something i find fun...anyways....

*MEET/DATE LOTS OF GUYS! lol...ya...so i'm single right now and...although i absolutely love being single...i'm gonna meet a lot of guys and hopefully get some dates this summer...but eh...who knows? with my luck...that just might NOT happen...but i'm going to a BUNCH of church camps..and guys at those things are generally pretty good guys...so hopefully i will get a couple phone #s!! lol...cross your fingers for me!!

*BE A NICE PERSON TO EVERYONE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY ANNOY ME! ok..well this isn't just a goal for the summer...its a goal for my life! but ya....i wanna be known as a person whos nice and cool to everyone so...ya...

*FINISH MY SUMMER HOMEWORK...BEFORE THE NIGHT BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS! haha...who knows if THAT will happen!

*LEARN TO PLAY THE PIANO WELL AGAIN! i used to play the piano really well from 2nd to about 8th grade...and then i just kinda got sick of it...and i kinda wanna get back into it again so i'm taking lessons this summer cuz theres some extra time! it should be interesting...who knows what could happen?!?

ok so...i think thats enough goals for now....eh...maybe i'll add some more later!! anyways...thats about it for me...disney song for you then i'm out to study for alg. 2! love you all!

I don't know if You can hear me
Or if You're even there
I don't know if You would listen
To a gypsy's prayer
Yes, I know I'm just an outcast
I shouldn't speak to you
Still I see Your face and wonder
Were You once an outcast too?
God help the outcasts
Hungry from birth
Show them the mercy
They don't find on earth
The lost and forgotten
They look to you still
God help the outcasts
Or nobody will
I ask for nothing
I can get by
But I know so many
Less lucky than I
God help the outcasts
The poor and downtrod
I thought we all were
The children of God
I don't know if there's a reason
Why some are blessed, some not
Why the few You seem to favor
They fear usFlee us
Try not to see us
God help the outcasts
The tattered, the torn
Seeking an answer
To why they were born
Winds of misfortune
Have blown them about
You made the outcasts
Don't cast them out
The poor and unlucky
The weak and the odd
I thought they all were
The children of God

I LOVE THAT SONG FROM HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME! :)

I feel: stressed
I hear: disney movies! :D

so its FINALS WEEK! aaaaahhh...i am so stressed...although i should be super super happy cuz its the LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL...but finals are just too stressful this year to be happy! we have to do an oral commentary for english...aaaaaahhh...omg i hope i do ok...thats tomorrow! and so i probably should be working on that right now but...eh...i'm on a break! lol...anyways...so i took my chemistry final today...and ya..i wasn't really too worried about that one-it was the one i was like "eh..i'll be fine! i'm good at chemistry!" BIG MISTAKE...i felt completely and totally like i FAILED! but...i went back after school to check out my grade and...*drumroll*...I GOT AN 89! not the best...but i got an a for the year! so thats just fine with me! but now i have...FIVE MORE FINALS TO GO...government 2nd period tomorrow (still have to study for that one...its gonna be kinda hard...aaahhh) english 4th tomorrow...then french wednesday...then alg. 2 and drivers ed/p.e. on thursday! and then I'M DONE! i wish i was done now...i hate big tests...they suck so much...so ya...school is way too stressful...IB sucks major monkey butt....and next year is gonna be worse..aaahhh...

so...ya i dunno about a lot of stuff lately...particularly boys...i just got out of a kinda-sorta relationship(not really a relationship...just a 2weeker...) and i'm not upset about that being over or anything...i mean i'm cool with it but...theres a couple guys who...i would definitely go on dates with if they asked me...i dunno if i like them but....ya...i could write a lotta stuff here about this crap but...ya.....anyways...boys suck...(deniz....your theories confuse me...maybe cuz i already like the guy and i want you to be right!...but ya...hahaha...trigamabaloo?? aka...love in greek?? lol...good times deniz!!!)

o....my.....goodness....FOUR MORE DAYS TO FREEDOM! woo!!

here's a song from mulan...its really true too...it kinda describes me too! ya...

Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Ev'ry day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I feel: content

so this week was...not too eventful...we only have finals left and then school is done!! wooo hooo! and then i'll be a JUNIOR! whee! and when i come back to school next year...i'll be able to DRIVE! so much excitement...this summer is going to be AWESOME...i can't wait for it to begin! i'm gonna meet guys at my camps...(well, hopefully) and hopefully go on lots of dates...maybe i'll meet someone worthwhile! that hasn't happened in a while....and if i don't...oh well...i think i'll just have fun and date around! so...EFY is like...a week after school gets out..and that is always a fun camp! plus you get to meet tons of cool people at that one! so i'm way excited and waaaayy ready for summer! i just have to make it through my finals! and that is a great BIG ugh! but yeah....not really much else to say here...nothing much exciting is going on in my life! but here's a good email/story i got from my friend jakelle...its kinda religious...but good...so i thought i'd share it-you don't have to read it if you don't want to!...oh and just to prevent confusion, seminary is the class that mormons go to in the morning before school at like 5:50-6:40 in the morning! so ya...here you go...

Dart Test...

     A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a  seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith.  She says that Dr. Smithwas known for his elaborate object lessons.

     One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.

     On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smithtold the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. 

    Sally's friend drew a picture of  who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

     The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smithbegan removing the target from the wall.

     Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus;   holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. 

     Dr. Smithsaid only these words... "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me."
     Matthew 25:40.

     No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students  focused only on the picture of Christ.

One day Satan and Jesus  were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"

"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.

Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"

"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.

"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you!! You don't want those people!!"

"How much?" He asked again.

Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your tears, and all your blood."

Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.

I feel: cheerful
I hear: Gavin Degraw...good cd...thanx sarah!

Well I haven’t updated in a REALLY long time...i keep starting entries and then having to go somewhere so I have to start ALL OVER...eh...not much about my life but...it’s been pretty good lately!! Hopefully it’s not too good to be true *crosses fingers* *knocks on wood* lol...so anyways...here’s the rundown:

I went on my first date! I won’t write everything about it here...but it was good... J I like being sixteen! It is definitely a great thing...hehe...

I GOT INTO SGA!!! omg....that class is going to be sooooooooo much fun next year-alex got in too, and agnes, and sarah....and Nicole cuz she’s already our class senator!! omg...we’re gonna have fun...planning stuff and having sga together everyday! Woo! I’m excited! I got all the classes I wanted for next year-well, all ib classes(a nightmare!!aaahhh), madrigals(!!),  and now sga...next year is gonna be AWESOME! Busy...but awesome! Ok...moving along...

School is almost out!! And then the summertime which is gonna be soooooooooo much fun!! I’m going to a bunch of church camps...hehe...and to the beach with my crego side of the family! omg...i can’t wait! J

I saw raising helen yesterday...it was sooo good...go stormin’ mormons! Woo...lol....

I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Last night was soo great...i went out for ice cream with my sister Elizabeth and little did I know that when I got home it was my SURPRISE SIXTEENTH BDAY PARTY! It was great...i’m not very good at acting surprised though..lol...i was surprised....i just don’t scream or anything big like that...it was fun though! I had lots of fun! And my friends are sooo great...i swear I have the greatest friends in the world...and then some people stayed a little later to watch monsters inc after the party was over but by like 9, everybody was gone except me and david...but eh, oh well! Lol...it was a perfect sweet 16 party!! J

So I just wanted to let everyone I know out there know, even if we’re not the greatest friends anymore and stupid things have driven us apart...that I’m really sorry for everything that happened-it was stupid and it shouldn’t have pushed us apart...but I feel like we’re getting closer now and I’m really glad because you’re a really great person-I love all my past, present and future friends! You have all brought something to my life and made a difference...no matter if you think you did or not....i just wanted to let you all know that...no matter what happens I will always be here for you if and when you need me. J

Anyways....that’s pretty much all...have a great week/day/night...whatever! I love you all!

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune
Oh, look what I'm holding here in my fire
This is for you
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
The words you say to me are unlike anything
That's ever been said
And what you do to me is unlike anything
That's ever been
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
(For) you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you (For) you to stick around
I'll see everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
You're gonna have to follow
Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?